What if the thing you’ve been taught to fear isn’t actually the danger?

In this week’s episode of Hot Girl Math, I’m responding to the growing rhetoric that astrology, tarot, intuition, and other spiritual practices are inherently “demonic.”

But this conversation goes far beyond astrology.

We explore the difference between discernment and fear, the ways shame and control can masquerade as spiritual truth, and how verbal and digital abuse often silence people from sharing their authentic experiences and gifts.

I also talk about throat chakra wounds, the courage it takes to speak when your voice has been challenged, and share a recent intuitive download that came through during my own reflection on this topic.

Whether you agree with me or not, my hope is that this episode invites you to think critically, stay curious, and examine where your beliefs come from.

Because fear is not the same thing as wisdom, and certainty is not the same thing as truth.

New episodes of Hot Girl Math drop every Wednesday. Come join the conversation.

Xo

Hello friends,

Happy Monday! I hope you had a wonderful weekend and were able to replenish your energy in whatever way you needed most.

A reminder that the next Shadow Work Through Tarot & Poetry event will be Wednesday, July 1, and centered on the Capricorn Full Moon. I hope you’ll join us!

Change is in the air, can you feel it? There’s quantum leap energy coming through, which will require some major transitions, and it feels like some of you are being resistant to this.

Let’s talk about what’s up in the cosmos this week—

Read more

We went back to basics for this one.

In this week’s episode of Hot Girl Math, I let the cards reveal the message that needed to be shared. Normally, I’d have an idea of what needs to be discussed for the episode, but this week was different.

All I kept hearing was, “Channel.”

So, I went back to basics and got the tarot deck out, and sure enough, there was quite a profound message that came through that had to do with breaking generational cycles around worthiness that have been getting in the way of your love and finances.

As always, use your discernment to know if this message is for you.

If you’d like to dive deeper with a personal reading, book an Insight & Integration session with me here.

New episodes of Hot Girl Math drop every Wednesday. Subscribe on YouTube so you don’t miss this one.

Xo

Hello friends,

Happy Monday! I hope you had a wonderful weekend full of rest, play, and rejuvenation in whatever ways you needed most. Are you feeling a little cosmic hangover from this Sagittarius Blue Moon yesterday?

As always, you can see what area of your life (and parts of yourself) are being illuminated by this transit by looking at what house Sagittarius rules for you, and if you have any placements.

If you want to dive into it with some guidance and assistance, book an Insight & Integration session with me here.

A couple of quick announcements before we get into the energy of this week…

This Sunday, June 7, I’ll be doing 10-minute Reiki healing sessions in a Self-Lab pop-up event in Burbank, Calif. The event is completely free, but your donations go towards all of the practitioners, so it’s appreciated. You can learn more here.

The next Shadow Work Through Tarot & Poetry event will be Wednesday, July 1, and centered on the Capricorn Full Moon. I hope you’ll join us!

Now, let’s talk about what’s up in the cosmos this week—

Read more

On Sunday, we have a Sagittarius Full Moon. But it’s not just any full moon, it’s a blue moon. A rare event that happens every few years when we experience two full moons in one calendar month. This is potent energy that is meant to reveal truths within our higher knowledge.

This is a moon that asks us to look closely at the stories we live inside of. After all, Sagittarius is the seeker, the traveler, the philosopher, and the teacher. The part of us that longs to understand life, to find meaning, to reach toward something larger than ourselves.

At its highest expression, Sagittarius expands us. It invites wonder, curiosity, honesty, and the courage to venture beyond what is familiar.

But as you know, every sign carries a shadow, and Sagittarius’ shadow often emerges through certainty. The need to know, to define, to turn life into a conclusion before we’ve fully lived the question.

Sometimes we cling to beliefs because they genuinely guide us, and sometimes we cling to them because uncertainty terrifies us.

This moon is asking us to notice where meaning has hardened into defense, where belief has become identity, where freedom has become avoidance, and where optimism has become a way of outrunning grief, discomfort, or complexity.

Staying true to its fire element, Sagittarius energy can move quickly toward the next idea, horizon or truth. It is always seeking and striving and looking beyond to see what could possible be the next thing to explore.

But shadow work asks us to pause long enough to ask:

What am I trying not to feel?

What do I need certainty to protect me from?

Where have I mistaken spiritual insight for emotional avoidance?

Sagittarius reminds us that growth is not found in rigid knowing, but in openness. And in the willingness to let life surprise us, let another person remain mysterious, and let ourselves evolve beyond yesterday’s conclusions.

Below you’ll find the three shadow work prompts we used in our Shadow Work Through Tarot & Poetry circle at Feybl last night, which are designed to help you work with this energy through tarot and generative writing.

Hold each prompt in your mind’s eye as you pull a card, and allow the symbolism to guide your reflection. Let the card be your compass, and the page be your sanctuary.

If you don’t work with cards, that’s OK. Use these prompts to help you spark a dialogue with your subconscious.

There’s no right or wrong way to do this. All it asks of you is to be honest.

If you’re local to Los Angeles, join us for the next workshop, which will focus on the shadows of Capricorn on July 1.

What belief or narrative do I cling to in order to avoid uncertainty?

This is meant to dig into certainty as protection. Allow yourself to explore what feels unsafe about not knowing, where certainty has become emotional protection, and what curiosity might open instead.

Where do I call something “freedom” when I am actually avoiding intimacy, discomfort, or responsibility?

Can you tell the difference between freedom and avoidance? Explore what you keep outrunning, where movement has replaced presence, and what commitment or stillness asks of you.

Where have I used spirituality, philosophy, or optimism to bypass my humanity?

Spiritual bypassing and meaning-making is really slick, especially in the spiritual community. Allow this prompt to reveal what emotions you struggle to sit with, where “higher perspective” has distanced you from truth, and what it would mean to remain fully human.

Xo

I wasn’t planning on talking about this publicly.

But after years of trying to rationalize, intellectualize, dismiss, and compartmentalize certain experiences… I’ve realized that the unknown doesn’t disappear just because we’re uncomfortable with it.

In this week’s episode of Hot Girl Math, we’re going down the rabbit hole.

I open by discussing the four alien species reportedly disclosed by former CIA and intelligence figures, the rise of AI during a time of disclosure, and why humanity seems simultaneously obsessed with and terrified of what exists beyond our current understanding.

But then things get personal.

I share my own experience with a supernatural presence that appeared while I was sleeping—an encounter that fundamentally shifted the way I think about intuition, fear, consciousness, and the unseen.

And naturally… there are side quests.

We get into signs from the Universe, the strange language of synchronicity, why the unknown tends to reveal itself in fragments instead of certainty, and how to navigate experiences that don’t fit neatly into logic without completely losing discernment.

This episode isn’t about convincing you of anything.

It’s about exploring the edges of reality with curiosity instead of denial.

New episodes of Hot Girl Math drop every Wednesday. Subscribe on YouTube so you don’t miss this one.

Xo

Hello friends,

I hope you enjoyed your weekend and were able to replenish yourself in whatever way you needed most.

A quick reminder that my Shadow Work Through Tarot & Poetry event will be THIS WEDNESDAY, May 27, at 8pm and centered on the Sagittarius Full Moon.

We’ll touch on the shadows of avoidance, restlessness, and manufactured certainty — using beliefs to bypass discomfort or clinging to “truth” without questioning its origin.

This full moon is special, because it’s our second full moon of the month, making it a blue moon! You know the saying… once in a blue moon. Well, that time is now.

RSVP here.

Now, let’s talk about what’s up in the cosmos this week—

Read more

Last month, I was watching a recent episode of Call Her Daddy featuring psychotherapist and relationship expert, Esther Perel, and one thing she said stopped me in my tracks.

She spoke about how we’ve turned the uncertainty of dating into something threatening.

Instead of letting the unknown be part of the adventure, we’ve learned to fear it. We seek reassurance before experience. We look for certainty before connection. We want to know if someone is right for us before we allow ourselves to find out.

And the more I sat with that, the more I realized how deeply familiar that impulse is.

Because I have done this. I have looked for certainty everywhere.

In astrology charts. In personality tests. In attachment styles. In “signs.” In the subtle language of spiritual compatibility.

I told myself I was being discerning. Intentional. Self-aware.

But if I’m honest, I was often trying to protect myself from the discomfort of uncertainty. I wanted guarantees before vulnerability. I wanted the answer before the experience.

I wanted tools that could help me determine whether it was safe to proceed—whether someone was “aligned,” whether the connection was “meant to be,” whether the stars supported it.

These frameworks can be beautiful. They can offer language, insight, reflection. But I began to notice how I was using them.

Not as tools for curiosity, but as tools for control. Not to deepen the experience of knowing another person, but to avoid the risk of not knowing.

Always seeking something outside of myself to tell me you’re safe, this is the right decision to make, correct answer.

And that realization opened the door to a much deeper shadow, because the moment I saw it in myself, I recognized it somewhere else.

My dad.

My father has always clung tightly to religious certainty.

To the Bible. To church doctrine. To the belief that life is understandable when interpreted through the right spiritual lens.

There is safety in that kind of certainty. Structure. Meaning. Order. For a long time, I saw my spirituality as the opposite of his religion.

He had dogma, I had freedom. He had rigid beliefs, I had openness. He had rules, I had intuition.

But the deeper I looked, the more I saw that we were not opposites at all. We were mirrors.

Because I had simply built my own version of certainty. Where he relied on scripture, I relied on spiritual ideology. Where he interpreted life through doctrine, I interpreted it through “alignment.” Where he used religion to explain pain, I used spirituality to transcend it.

And in both cases, the underlying impulse was the same: to make the unknown feel safe.

That was a hard truth to face, because I wanted to believe my spirituality was expansive. But much of what I had embraced was not expansion—it was refinement of control.

It was “high vibe only” thinking. It was trying to rise above messy human feelings. It was assigning meaning too quickly so I didn’t have to sit in ambiguity.

It was bypassing. And more than that, it carried a kind of subtle elitism.

An unspoken hierarchy where some emotions were “lower” and some perspectives were “more evolved.”

I thought I was pursuing enlightenment, but often I was just rejecting humanity. Rejecting grief. Rejecting uncertainty. Rejecting the humbling truth that life is not always going to make sense, no matter how much I try to make sense of it.

The shadow of spirituality is not belief itself. The shadow is the need for belief to protect us from the unknown.

And this is exactly where Sagittarius’ shadow lives.

Sagittarius governs belief, philosophy, meaning-making, and truth. At its highest expression, Sagittarius expands us. It invites exploration, curiosity, and a willingness to remain open.

But in its shadow, Sagittarius can become dogmatic, rigid, certain, and attached to “truth” as a way to stabilize fear.

This can happen in religion. It can happen in spirituality. It can happen in dating.

Any time we cling to systems, labels, philosophies, or beliefs to avoid the vulnerability of direct experience, Sagittarius shadow is at work.

We use certainty as a shield. We create rules to protect ourselves from surprise. We seek answers before we allow ourselves to be changed by the question.

And what we lose in that process is whimsy, magick, and wonder. Because wonder requires uncertainty, and intimacy requires uncertainty.

Faith—real faith—requires uncertainty. The higher expression of Sagittarius is not certainty. It is curiosity.

It’s not about convincing yourself that you know the answers when you don’t.

It’s the willingness to meet life as an unfolding mystery. To allow someone to reveal themselves over time. To let an experience be unresolved. To resist the urge to force meaning before meaning is ready to emerge. To marvel at the world’s unpredictability instead of trying to dominate it.

This kind of openness is not passive. It is courageous, and perhaps the most enlightened way to be. That’s the paradox.

The more you surrender to the Unknown—releasing your need to cling to the narrative that you’ve manufactured in order to manufacture predictability and perceived safety—the more you surrender the illusion of knowing to enter the adventure without guarantees.

And maybe that is the invitation of this Sagittarius Full Moon—to notice where we have replaced wonder with doctrine, where our beliefs have become defenses, and where certainty has cost us intimacy—with others, with life, with ourselves.

This month’s Shadow Work Through Tarot & Poetry will be exploring the shadow of Sagittarius through writing, tarot, and reflection THIS Wednesday, May 27 at 8pm in Burbank, Calif.

RSVP

Together, we’ll look at the beliefs we cling to, the truths we’ve inherited, and the places where certainty has become a form of self-protection.

Because life becomes far more alive when we stop trying to predict it, and perhaps the deepest spiritual practice is not having the answer, but remaining open to the mystery.

Xo

There’s a reason competence feels almost shocking right now.

We’ve collectively normalized dysfunction for so long—in politics, dating, leadership, institutions, and even our personal lives—that when someone shows up with clarity, structure, and actual service, it disrupts the nervous system.

In this week’s episode of Hot Girl Math, I break down the energy surrounding Zohran Mamdani’s rise in New York and why so many people are resonating with his leadership style.

But this conversation isn’t really just about politics.

It’s about standards.

What happens when we stop expecting chaos?
What happens when we stop romanticizing instability?
What happens when we remember that power can be organized, grounded, and in service to people—not just ego?

I also connect this dynamic to dating, self-worth, and the unconscious ways we acclimate to less than we actually desire.

Because whether it’s leadership, relationships, or community—the standards you normalize become the reality you live inside of.

And many people are beginning to realize they want more.

New episodes of Hot Girl Math drop every Wednesday. Subscribe on YouTube so you don’t miss this one.

Xo

Hello friends,

I hope you enjoyed your weekend and rested plenty. This Taurus New Moon ushered in some fresh energy in the area Taurus rules in your chart, so make use of it!

If you’d like to look at your chart together, book a session with me and we’ll dive into your cosmic blueprint and decipher what’s coming up for you right now.

A reminder that the next Shadow Work Through Tarot & Poetry event will be NEXT WEDNESDAY, May 27, and centered on the Sagittarius Full Moon.

We’ll touch on the shadows of avoidance, restlessness, and manufactured certainty — using beliefs to bypass discomfort or clinging to “truth” without questioning its origin.

RSVP here.

Now, let’s talk about what’s up in the cosmos this week—

Read more

If you’ve found your way here, there’s usually a reason.

Most people don’t arrive at Return to Self randomly. They arrive because something in them is looping, softening, or quietly asking for more honesty… and it leads them here.

This space exists for those moments.

Return to Self is an online publication devoted to shadow work, self-trust, and the slow, embodied work of becoming who you already are. It’s a place to think, feel, question, and practice without spiritual theatrics or pressure to perform healing correctly.

I’m not here to tell you who to be. I’m here to walk with you while you remember.

the inspiration.

One of my favorite childhood memories was cozying up to the latest magazine I’d beg my mom to buy me, and getting lost in the pages. From quizzes and horoscopes to picking out my favorite fashion and tearing out poster pages, magazines gave me the sense of community I’d often gone without as a kid.

It was my friend when I was lonely and my big sister when I needed advice (although in hindsight, a lot of that advice wasn’t great…).

When I was in middle school, I wrote a letter to Seventeen magazine asking what I’d have to do in order to intern for them in New York when I got to college. As you may know, I’m a Capricorn through and through. I started setting goals before I could set the table.

To my surprise, the magazine actually wrote me back and shared that it would be in my best interest to take some journalism classes in school. Fast forward nearly 10 years, and I remembered that advice when I impulsively switched from being a psychology major to journalism.

I never ended up working at a magazine (although I created a few of my own over the years), but I did work at E! News for nearly a decade, learning the ins and outs of running a multimedia giant that acquired 30 million global visitors onto its digital news site a day.

And when they arrived, there was my work for them to read.

It was fun until it wasn’t. Pop culture and celebrity gossip started to become less and less interesting, forcing yet another scary yet necessary pivot—venturing out on my own as a freelance writer. It’s been a tricky journey, one that has made me question myself time and time again (hello, shadow work!), but that’s when Return to Self was born.

Some of you have been here since its inception, and I greatly appreciate your ongoing support. You’ve also probably witnessed a lot of plot twists, pivots, and sudden shifts along the way. The truth is I’m trying to build something with no blueprint, and I don’t have a team or budget to help me (yet).

Everything I do has been a labor of love in the deepest sense, and I continue to learn how to manage my projects without running myself to the ground while doing it.

For that reason, I’m constantly working to build an efficient model that allows me to do the work I love without sacrificing my well-being for it.

the space.

Like any magazine, Return to Self is meant to be explored intuitively. You don’t need to read everything, and you don’t need to start at the beginning. Let yourself wander like the adventurous explorer that you are.

However, if you’d like a little guidance, I happen to specialize in that, so here’s a compass before you begin your adventure:

✧ The Grounded Muse
Personal essays and cultural reflections rooted in lived experience. This is where mysticism meets humanity—where patterns are named, contradictions are held, and self-inquiry stays embodied.

✧ The Oracle Room (Paid subscribers only)
Tarot, astrology, and intuitive insight for moments of transition. These readings are about timing, pattern recognition, and learning how to listen to yourself more clearly. Paid subscribers consistently say this is the part of their week they look forward to most.

✧ The Shadow Lab (Paid subscribers only)
A practical space for integration. Guided journaling, rituals, prompts, and exercises designed to help you work with what’s beneath the surface—without bypassing or self-punishment. Here you’ll find breakdowns on what the shadow is, how it shows up, and insight to help you on your shadow work journey.

✧ The Liminal Space
Fragments from the in-between. Observations, questions, and seasonal reflections that don’t need to be resolved to be meaningful, and may not make sense until they do.

✧ The Initiation (Paid subscribers only)
Long-form teachings, workshops, and transmissions meant to be returned to. These pieces mark pivotal moments—moments of reckoning, reclamation, and deep self-trust. Here you’ll find my various series breakdowns, from synastry astrology placements to chakras to karmic connections and more to come. These aren't one-time reads. Paid subscribers return to them at different chapters of their lives and find something new every time.

the process.

Everything I share here is work I’ve had to do myself. Return to Self became my online journal, a place to reflect and log my experience as I moved through out.

As I’d always say, “I never know what I’m feeling until I read what I say.” That was true when I wrote in my diary as a kid. True again when I had my Xanga and Live Journal as a teen. True again when I had my blog The Problem With Dating, and published my first book Let That Shit Go.

And now here we are.

Except this time—it’s not all about what I’m feeling, but what I’m remembering.

I don’t believe in teaching from a distance. I believe in lived experience, pattern recognition, and the kind of honesty that sparks actual change, not just language. This publication is an extension of that practice.

Some of what's offered here is free—an open door, a first conversation. But if you've ever wanted a place to go deeper on a consistent basis, that's what the paid space is for.

The Oracle Room, The Shadow Lab, and Initiations exist for the reader who's ready to stop circling and start integrating. For $5.55 a month—less than one coffee a month—you get weekly readings, guided shadow work, and long-form teachings you can return to again and again.

Subscribe now

the last thing.

This isn’t a space for fixing yourself.

I don’t want you to get stuck in the same spiral I did—believing there was some level of perfection I had to embody in order to unlock the next level of life (which somehow always happened to be the level containing my happiness).

You don’t need to be fixed, because you’re not broken. You’re just navigating this place the best you can with what you got, and maybe you’re ready to expand your toolbox.

That’s where Return to Self comes in.

It’s a space for remembering, integrating, and choosing differently when the moment calls for it.

If something here resonates, trust that. If it doesn’t, that’s information, too.

Either way, I’m glad you’re here.

There’s a difference between discernment and paranoia.

And right now, as Pluto stations retrograde in Aquarius, many of us are being asked to reexamine where we’ve unknowingly handed our power away—whether to a teacher, ideology, relationship, community, or even our own projections.

This week’s episode of Hot Girl Math dives into five major red flags that you may be caught in cult dynamics… and what to do if you realize manipulation, coercion, or energetic control has been present beneath the surface.

This conversation isn’t about targeting specific groups or individuals. It’s about learning to recognize patterns of imbalance before they consume your intuition, autonomy, or sense of self.

If you read my Substack post on this topic last year, this episode continues the conversation—with practical examples, energetic insight, and tools for reclaiming your discernment without collapsing into fear or cynicism.

Because the goal isn’t to become distrustful.

It’s to become so in tune with your energetic system that any form of deception rings the alarm.

New episodes of Hot Girl Math drop every Wednesday. Subscribe on YouTube so you don’t miss a thing.

Xo

Hello friends,

I hope you enjoyed your weekend and found ways to ground when necessary. That Pluto retrograde came out the gate swinging! And it will continue to excavate those roots until October.

Pluto represents our personal Underworld, so whatever house it’s moving through for you (the house Aquarius rules in your chart), and any aspects it’s making to your natal placements (if you’re a Pluto in Scorpio person, it’s squaring your natal Pluto), are showing you the areas and themes where you’re undergoing a massive transformation.

If you need help decoding your chart and learning more about what this transit is bringing up for you, book an Insight & Integration session with me here.

If you’d like to navigate your shadows in community, the next Shadow Work Through Tarot & Poetry event will be on May 27 and centered on the Sagittarius Full Moon.

We’ll touch on the shadows of avoidance, restlessness, and manufactured certainty — using beliefs to bypass discomfort or clinging to “truth” without questioning its origin.

RSVP here.

Now, let’s talk about what’s up in the cosmos this week—

Read more

What a privilege it is to have something to lose.

I’ve been sitting with that perspective a lot lately, as I’ve had to navigate what feels like every fear I’ve ever had surfaces to shore in giant, crashing waves.

So much of my life has been spent worrying—my bills, my health, my family’s well-being, the world. It became a burden to care. I was already exhausted.

I’ve become familiar with a very specific kind of grief. Not the what if one day this happens kind. Not the sudden kind, either.

It’s the one right in between. The this could get really bad kind. The which direction is this about to go kind. The one with no certainty either way—just a steady stream of unwelcome reminders that control was never truly in my hands. Not when it came to the things that actually scared me.

Throughout my life, I’ve been continuously asked to do one of the hardest things I’ve had to learn how to do: let go, and trust that I’ll be able to handle whatever comes next.

I’ve had to let go of a lot in my life. I had to let go of the idea of being “normal,” of trying to fit in, of trying to figure out why I saw the world differently than the people around me and what that meant.

I’ve had to let go of the church, of what I thought to be God, of my connection to anything beyond me, because for a long time it felt like there wasn’t anything or anyone in my corner.

I’ve had to let go of protecting people who enjoyed their own suffering, relinquishing the misdirected role of the savior for people who didn’t want better for themselves.

I’ve had to let go of friends who turned out to not really be friends, careers that I thought were my dream come true, and lovers who were never meant to stay.

I’ve had to let go of my family who were thousands of miles away, in a country I never got to truly know but is embedded in my bones, and trust that we’ll get to spend more time together someday—even though she’s constantly under attack.

I’ve had to let go of who I thought I was, who I thought I was supposed to be, who I thought people expected me to be, to figure out who I actually am.

So much of my life felt like letting go, and anytime I thought I’d found some solid ground to exhale, something else happens, and I’m back in it.

The Pattern app actually called this out. It labeled it Accepting or Anxious:

At your best, you’re flexible about change. You can be willing to let go of creature comforts and deal with chaos or even extreme, illogical circumstances. It’s like you’re able to accept that everything doesn’t always have to feel good or be pleasurable.

Alternatively, when you’re struggling, you feel unable to get satisfaction in life - it’s like you can’t truly relax or enjoy yourself. When you try to take it easy, something often disrupts you. You may not feel safe or secure, financially or otherwise.

It could be hard to cope with everyday life.

The accuracy was both perplexing and liberating. It’s part of the reason why I love astrology and do the work that I do. Reading something like that made me feel like perhaps there’s a method to the madness.

That maybe I’m not just cursed or have bad luck or am bad at doing life. Maybe this is on purpose, something I’m meant to learn from and grow through.

At least, that’s what I would tell myself. The alchemist always turns pain into purpose, but there’s still the part of actually feeling it all, and that can get heavy.

For a long time, I handled the chaos by always bracing for it. Expecting it. Maybe even unconsciously choosing it. It felt safer, oddly enough.

When you’ve been knocked down enough times, hope can start to feel dangerous. You tell yourself that assuming the worst will at least prepare you. That it’s practical. Even protective.

That’s a lie.

All you’re actually doing is grieving in advance—and it doesn’t make the real grief hurt any less. It just steals life from right under your nose.

That is the trick of the past. It fears being forgotten, so it pulls at your strings for as long as you let it.

What I’ve come to understand is that this in-between grief is what arrives when you’re fully present inside a difficult situation. There’s no certainty in sight. Just an empty canvas, waiting to see what picture you’ll create to fill the space.

Sometimes we paint something completely different from what we see. Most times, we paint what we already know.

I’ve had to reckon with all of this—and what also feels like an onslaught of ancestral wounds—alongside everything happening in Lebanon right now.

My father’s safety is the first and last thing I think about. Each day, I pray and hope that he is alive, that the last time I saw him won’t be the last time, and that God is going to show me just how powerful faith truly is.

I’ve often said that my heart isn’t breaking down, it’s breaking open, and just when I think there couldn’t possibly be any more walls standing, something happens that invites me to crumble what I forgot was still there.

I sat with my shadow, and you know what it told me?
It told me I needed to open my heart if I was truly to be free.
I scoffed and laughed, “It is open! See!”
But my shadow always knew better than me.
My shadow always knew what I wasn’t ready to see.
That the depth of my love even frightened me.
Because if I could love this much, then what about the grief?
Grief is the cost of love. It would take everything from me.
I wouldn’t survive it. I’m not strong enough.
So I’d pull closer, then push back, and we’d do this dance just long enough...
Until it’s just me again.
Hi.
See.
This was my own self-fulfilling prophecy.
If I never had you, then you can’t be something I lose.
But what a privilege it is to have something to lose.

Throughout these last few weeks, I’ve had to truly embody the work I’ve been building for years, while also staying open to the higher wisdom coming through.

Like the fact that keeping people at arm’s length felt safer than letting them all the way in, because the only guarantee in this life is death, and I didn’t know if I’d survive a loss like that.

Like the fact that I wouldn’t let myself receive the love being shown to me, because then I’d have to break away from the story that it doesn’t matter if I’m here or not, so I don’t have to commit to sticking around.

Like the fact that sometimes our deepest fears are actually pointing us toward what we value and desire the most. And it’s easier to build illusions around why we can’t have it than to carry the weight of what comes with letting it in.

This is hot girl math at its finest.

All of this is happening while Saturn and Neptune transit my fourth house of home, family, ancestry, and roots in Aries, while Pluto tiptoes next to my Venus.

It’s not lost on me that this is also happening while I dismantle the limiting beliefs that have quietly convinced me over time that I don’t deserve to be here. That I shouldn’t take up space. That there’s no room for me. That the life I deeply desire is available to other people—but not me.

But why not me? Who else, if not me?

What a convenient trap for those of us who are the variables of change. The ones who see what has been quietly hidden and have the courage to actually do something about it.

The Aries energy at the foundation of my chart has embedded chaos in my roots, but it has also been the fuel that keeps me going when I have nothing left to give in order to rebuild what was never stable to begin with. A true warrior mentality.

And I am, if nothing else, a stubborn motherfucker. I won’t apologize for that.

I’m sharing all of this because contrary to popular opinion, there is no finish line to this work. Life will keep throwing plot twists and disruptions that feel disorienting and destabilizing. And maybe, if you’re anything like me, you once told yourself that your real life would begin once you were healed.

But that day never comes. Life just keeps moving, while you wait to decide whether or not you want to play.

I wasn’t an active participant in my own life for a long time. I spent years on the sidelines—too scared to get involved, attached, hurt, or anything.

But I was missing it. I was missing all of it.

Even now, with days that begin anxiously checking my phone for a good morning text from my Dad, and nights spent talking myself out of a spiral—I am still living my life. I have somehow, some way, learned how to hold the tension of the opposites.

Because what a gift it is to feel everything. To have a life that evokes everything out of you.

What The Pattern named as Accepting or Anxious isn’t just a personality quirk. It was pulled from my moon in my chart—the part of myself that learned, early on, that safety and satisfaction were never guaranteed, so it became easier to brace for loss than to rest in love.

The moon doesn’t lie. It just shows us where we learned to hide.

And hiding looked like pushing people away before they could leave. It looked like minimizing my needs so I wouldn’t be a burden. It looked like telling myself that I was fine on the sidelines, when really I was just terrified of being on the field.

But there’s another side to this that I’ve been sitting with…

The same placement that made survival feel like the goal is also what makes me so deeply feeling, so attuned, so capable of holding space for the full spectrum of human experience. The wound and the gift have always lived in the same house.

That’s the work. Not fixing the moon. Not transcending the pattern. But learning to let both things be true at once—that you are still healing and you are already whole. That you can be terrified and still show up. That love can be the most dangerous thing you’ve ever let yourself want, and still be worth it.

If anything I just wrote felt personal to you, then maybe your moon is holding some secrets that are ready to be revealed to you.

Dark Side of the Moon is an immersive workshop for anyone who’s ever used their mind to survive their feelings—and is ready to let the body lead instead. We go into the shadow. We sit with what’s been hiding. And we find out what’s waiting on the other side.

You don’t have to have it all figured out to show up.

That’s kind of the whole point.

Xo

It’s Hot Girl Math time!

On this week’s episode, we close out our time traveling by going back to 2025, a year that required us to face the truths that have been revealed, and release what is no longer aligned.

From astrology and numerology to news headlines and pop culture, we begin to dissect the subtle messaging that was weaved between everything we were experiencing that year—which was all about change, upheaval, liberation, and restlessness.

When faced with a 9-year, the question isn’t what you are releasing—it is who you are becoming now that there is finally room.

The purpose of Hot Girl Math is to show you how to decode the throughline of the clues from the Universe, so that you can tap into this knowledge yourself, while also build your self-trust. The signs are everywhere, you just need to learn how to pay attention.

At the end of the video, we come back to you—the star of the show.

What you experience on a massive scale is usually somehow connected to your personal journey, specifically, your shadow work journey.

I present you with three prompts to help you understand how your 2025 connects to the general themes we collectively experienced in 2025, so that we can get the full picture.

For those who want to dive deeper into the mystery, I’ve included additional prompts and reflection questions below.

Check out the latest episode on YouTube, and don’t forget to like, subscribe and share your intuitive hits as you watch!

The time is 2025, let’s see if your own shadow journey was aligning with the collective unfolding…

Read more

Hello friends,

I hope you enjoyed your weekend and had a relatively smooth Scorpio Full Moon (lol). Scorpio energy is not passive, and it won’t ask. It demands.

However, remember that what it’s asking of you is usually the key to your deepest transformations. If you’d like to participate in an exercise to help you navigate this, I’ve shared some writing prompts from the last Shadow Work Through Tarot and Poetry workshop here.

Speaking of, the next workshop will be on May 27 and centered on the Sagittarius Full Moon. We’ll be traversing the shadows of avoidance, restlessness, and manufactured certainty — using beliefs to bypass discomfort or clinging to “truth” without questioning its origin.

I hope you’re able to join us! RSVP here.

Now, let’s talk about what’s up in the cosmos this week—

Read more

This Scorpio Full Moon is exposing whatever has been buried beneath the surface.

Scorpio governs depth—our emotional undercurrents, our desires, our fears, and the unseen forces that shape how we relate to power and intimacy. At its highest expression, it is the courage to feel fully, to be honest about what lives within us, and to allow transformation to take place.

But under a Full Moon, depth can reveal its shadow.

This is the moon that illuminates the ways we protect ourselves from being seen. The places where we grip for control to avoid vulnerability. The attachments we hold onto long after they’ve begun to transform.

A Full Moon brings what has been hidden into view. It reveals the emotional patterns operating beneath our awareness—the places where fear, power, and desire quietly influence the way we connect, withdraw, and hold on.

Below you’ll find the three shadow work prompts we used in our Shadow Work Through Tarot & Poetry circle at Feybl last night, which are designed to help you work with this energy through tarot and generative writing.

Hold each prompt in your mind’s eye as you pull a card, and allow the symbolism to guide your reflection. Let the card be your compass, and the page be your sanctuary.

If you don’t work with cards, that’s OK. Use these prompts to help you spark a dialogue with your subconscious.

There’s no right or wrong way to do this. All it asks of you is to be honest.

If you’re local to Los Angeles, join us for the next workshop, which will focus on the shadows of Sagittarius on May 27.

Where do I override my truth in order to maintain connection?

Where do I feel compelled to burn something down rather than sit with what it’s asking of me? Scorpio’s shadow can seek release through rupture—ending, cutting off, sabotaging—as a way to regain control or avoid vulnerability.

Pull a card to explore:

• What feels intolerable to sit with

• Where destruction feels easier than transformation

• What this impulse is trying to protect

Where am I trying to hold power, even if it costs me my softness or truth?

This asks us to examine control, manipulation, emotional guarding—the places where power replaces intimacy.

Pull a card to reveal:

• Where you grip, withhold, or control

• What you fear losing if you let go

• The difference between power and protection

What part of me is ready to die—so that something new can be born?

Scorpio governs cycles of death and transformation. Not surface change— identity-level release.

Pull a card to illuminate:

• What is complete, even if you resist it

• What identity, story, or attachment is dissolving

• What unknown self is waiting on the other side

Xo

It’s Hot Girl Math time!

On this week’s episode, we time travel back to 2024, a year that showed us how to spot false power and the karma that follows.

From astrology and numerology to news headlines and pop culture, we begin to dissect the subtle messaging that was weaved between everything we were experiencing that year—which was all about change, upheaval, liberation, and restlessness.

The year 2024 asked us: If you knew that the structures protecting the status quo — in the world and in your own life — were more fragile than they appear, what would you stop waiting for permission to do?

The purpose of Hot Girl Math is to show you how to decode the throughline of the clues from the Universe, so that you can tap into this knowledge yourself, while also build your self-trust. The signs are everywhere, you just need to learn how to pay attention.

At the end of the video, we come back to you—the star of the show.

What you experience on a massive scale is usually somehow connected to your personal journey, specifically, your shadow work journey.

I present you with three prompts to help you understand how your 2024 connects to the general themes we collectively experienced in 2024, so that we can get the full picture.

For those who want to dive deeper into the mystery, I’ve included additional prompts and reflection questions below.

Check out the latest episode on YouTube, and don’t forget to like, subscribe and share your intuitive hits as you watch!

The time is 2024, let’s see if your own shadow journey was aligning with the collective unfolding…

Read more

Hello friends,

I hope you enjoyed your weekend and got plenty of whatever it was that you needed most. Can you believe it’s about to be May already?

Before we get into the astrology and reading of this week, I want to remind you that the next Shadow Work Through Tarot & Poetry will be THIS WEDNESDAY and centered on the Scorpio Full Moon. Click here to RSVP!

I hope you’re able to join us!

Now, let’s talk about what’s up in the cosmos this week—

Read more

Put on your seat belt, because this journey has a lot of twists and turns.

Earlier this week, I was communing with Mary Jane and scrolling on Threads, when I came across an old paparazzi photo of Chris Brown choking a women during what seemed to be a heated moment, with the caption, “This is who you’re spending money on.”

Chris was making the headlines after announcing his joint tour with Usher, who has also been under the public’s watchful eye.

I understood the sentiment. The “can you separate the art from the artist” debate has been an ongoing discussion—although I would note that the leniency prompted in that discussion tends to skew in favor of abusive men, but that’s another conversation for another day…

There was a comment on the post that talked about how the abusive behavior of Taurus men (Chris Brown is a Taurus) isn’t talked about enough.

Now, I want to make it incredibly clear that any astrological hot take that only focuses on one placement when making a grand generalization (especially one like that) is inherently flawed, because that’s just not real. It’s also incredibly harmful.

However, was my interest piqued? Absolutely. But it was more so around the question of whether Chris’ Taurus placements were close to the fixed star, Algol (which sits at 26 degrees Taurus).

When I pulled up his chart, what drew me in was the story that was being revealed, which is what tends to happen in my sessions. I don’t necessarily focus on one placement or the traditional definition of what it means in your chart. I see the symbols dance in a way that uncovers a story, like a scroll being unfurled.

(That’s also why I sometimes hesitate to call myself an astrologer, because it is a science, and my approach is a little unconventional. Such is my life.)

I was seeing root wounds correlating to perhaps why he has this seeming disdain for women that shows up through physical abuse, and so I initially went back to Threads to post something along the lines of…

I told myself I would no longer read celebrity charts publicly unless they were sitting down across from me to receive it, because otherwise it felt invasive.

But posts I’ve been seeing about Chris Brown and his history of abuse led me to his birth chart, and I just want to let you know, the story that feeds this behavior is there. This is why shadow work is so important…

Blah, blah, blah. Something like that.

And it would’ve been totally sincere and true, because you know I believe in this work deeply, but that’s not what happened.

Because as I started to type what I initially wanted to say, another message was coming through that became a priority—and it was how our collective unconscious has been colonized.

I know. Quite the jump, right? I wish I could explain it in a way that makes sense, but when the light goes off, and I start to pull the thread (no pun intended), I end up in very interesting places.

So we come to the first sharp left of our journey.

Here’s what I actually ended up writing…

I told myself I would no longer read celebrity charts publicly unless they were sitting down across from me to receive it, because otherwise it felt invasive.

As someone who went to school for journalism, you get trained to perceive that type of behavior as part of the gig. You’re investigating a public figure, so it’s free game. Research and report.

You lose the humanity of it.

This energy signature is similar to soldiers preparing for war. They get perception training. It’s not called that, but that’s what’s happening, and it’s done in so many different spaces.

Perception training is necessary to carry out the objective.

In this case, dehumanization is planted within the lens of reality in order to manipulate a person’s morality, values, code of ethics. Otherwise they won’t embody the energy necessary to fulfill the job.

It’s interesting because my father is a former commander. We’ve had a very bumpy road together, but he’s also been one of my greatest teachers.

We’re completely opposite and yet the same. And this is an example of that.

We both fight for the truth, but our truths may be different.

We are both fiercely loyal, but sometimes to our detriment.

We questioned everything, except the systems we’d been indoctrinated into…

…which on its own, negates everything else we claim to value—but it makes sense.

When you place loyalty as a core value, questioning anything seems like betrayal. And if you are no longer “loyal,” you are a threat.

Again, another red flag on the play that gets dismissed.

If your loyalty is contingent on your blind obedience and compliance, you may wanna double check what you’re actually loyal to. Because now there’s a power imbalance.

You are no longer being of service to a cause (truth). You are serving an agenda (illusion).

I would always wonder what kind of perception training my father had to endure in order to do what was being asked of him. I think about that with a lot of people. And I realized that we are all constantly in perception training.

It’s called propaganda. And everything is propaganda.

So much of your identity was unconsciously shaped for you without your conscious awareness. From the moment you were born, there was already a story attached to you based on the system in place.

That’s crazy.

The truth is you are a limitless being whose energy signature can be expressed in an infinite number of ways. You are not confined to the story that you’ve always been handed, but when everything you’re told, taught, and shown is restricted to the same story…

It’s hard to truly believe otherwise. That’s the paradox.

You have to believe it to see it.

The perception training keeps the same narrative on loop so that nothing changes. Who gets to benefit from nothing changing? Those in power.

This is what I mean when I say we’ve been unconscious slaves to a system we don’t even notice running anymore. It’s become so integrated into our daily life, we don’t question it. We don’t check in to see if it actually aligns. We don’t check ourselves to see where we’ve contributed to the harm it upholds.

You have been fed a sense of “normalcy” that is anything but normal. You’ve become so loyal to the system that you’d rather rationalize it than question it.

My friend, you are not free.

Your consciousness was colonized. Your way of thinking, your values, your beliefs, your identity, your perception of the world that keeps it running on the same operating system.

Do you know why it’s always imperative to get to the root of the matter? Because that’s where you change the environment.

Y’all want the landscape to change without going underground to see where the rot needs to be pulled, and what seeds need to be planted.

This is the descension journey. Welcome.

You don’t build above ground until you have a firm foundation to build on, and our foundation as a collective entity is not solid. It has no stable roots.

So we need to tend to that first, and we’re already doing it.

Do not underestimate the ripple effect of your personal healing. You think choosing healthier habits, working through your limiting beliefs, and breaking free from generational trauma is just about you?

Babe, you’re one piece of a much bigger puzzle. You are the variable that changes everything.

You are the drop of the ocean that makes waves crash. You are the raindrop in a storm. You are the spark that creates light.

Shadow work is going to be of the utmost importance moving forward, because if you can’t integrate your shadow, you will continue to project it.

And those projections will keep feeding the karmic loops that run the system.

Just as a plant needs light and water to grow, you need light (awareness) and water (emotional alchemy) to grow, too.

If you’re curious about shadow work, I have plenty of resources through my link. If you wanna dive deeper, schedule a session with me and we’ll look at your birth chart together.

Not so I can tell you who you are (that’s up to you), but so we can see where you keep feeding who you’re not.

I’ll snatch that mask off you so quick, but only if you’re ready to be seen.

As you can see, definitely not what I had originally planned, but that happens sometimes. You think you’re going to write about Chris Brown, and suddenly, you’re deconstructing the colonization of the unconscious.

And just like I mentioned, this is also a piece to a much bigger puzzle, because if our collective unconscious has been colonized, then what does that look like? What does decolonizing it require? And how do we begin that process?

Stay tuned.

Xo