One of the most important ingredients in a healthy relationship (whether that be romantic, platonic, familial or even just with yourself) is honesty. And yet, I wonder if we even truly know what honesty looks like?
If you’re anything like me, the word honesty was always tag-teamed with the word truth. “I need you to be honest and tell me the truth,” is a common phrase many of us say. But it wasn’t until I scrolled on Instagram a couple of weeks ago and came across this post by Dr. Lexx that I realized I had been merging two concepts together, and therefore completely overlooking one huge component: vulnerability.
Here’s what Dr. Lexx’s post said:
“There’s a difference between Truth and Honesty.”
I said this yesterday as I was able to bare witness to two lovers showing one another their most tender parts of themselves...And something wasn't exactly right. There was more they weren’t saying. It was true, but it wasn't all honest.
The partner looked at me and said aren't they the same?
They're not. It's truth that you love, are loved, have fear, joy, lust, and pleasure. It's honest when you take that truth a step further, a level deeper.
For example, I love you and am afraid you'll hurt me.
That's a truth.
I love you and I'm afraid I'm not good enough for you and that's embarrassing to say out loud.
Honesty is messy, hard and sometimes even unknown. Building true intimacy, lets lovers be honest alongside the truths.
The statement, “I love you and am afraid you’ll hurt me” on its own is a radical truth, one many refuse to say out loud. It’s also incredibly vulnerable. But the fact of the matter is it still leaves a lot unsaid. Why is that a fear? What does hurting you look like? What past experiences or limiting beliefs are fueling this fear?
“I love you and I’m afraid I’m not good enough for you, and that’s embarrassing to say out loud.”
There it is.
The amount of times I’ve felt that, but haven’t even been able to say those words to myself, let alone anyone else, is a huge indicator that I wasn’t allowing myself to be fully vulnerable with my feelings, or to accept (regardless of how yucky, messy or ugly it can feel) the seeds that are so deeply planted in my psyche.
Vulnerability is one of the most beautiful gifts you can give to yourself and to those you love. It’s the gatekeeper to your heart, and while we often assign it as the role of protector, maybe it’s time to reassign it as the greeter. After all, isn’t it time you came out of hiding?
If you’re asking yourself, “Where do I even begin?” then you’re not alone. Luckily, Dr. Lexx is here to help by hosting our Return to Self webinar this Sunday on Increasing Vulnerability.
She will walk us through the four horseman who sabotage relationships, and how to avoid them, teach us a few techniques to help increase vulnerability and intimacy in relationships by exploring how to communicate hard things, how to be honest vs. truthful, and what that means for relationship enhancement.
So what are you waiting for? Sign up now, and let’s flex these vulnerability muscles once and for all.