Men, Your Value Is In Your Presence

Here's a story that put things into perspective.

One of the bittersweet revelations of the healing journey is realizing how much of your life you were living for other people.

This is a common occurrence when doing shadow work, because through that work you also come to the uncomfortable truth that many of your (unconscious) behaviors stem from limiting beliefs and assumptions that were placed on you as a child.

While scrolling on TikTok yesterday, I came across this man’s video (above), where he was explaining that the more a man focuses on his career, the more he loves you, because his focus derives from a desire to provide for you.

I can completely understand that perspective, however, I wanted to offer another one.

The story in the stitched video above references my local guide and translator for my Sak Yant ceremony in Thailand (a traditional and ancient tattoo ceremony). During our time together, he shared a heartbreaking story with me that became his stark reminder of what’s most important in life.

It can become so easy to correlate your sense of worth to what you do, to connect your purpose to your accolades and job description. Especially in this society. Especially if you’re a man.

If you are a man watching this, I hope you remember the value of your presence. I hope you break away from the conditioning of believing that your purpose is tied to your achievements, your net worth or your job title. I hope you surround yourself with people who plead to see more of you, so that you can realize how important you are just by existing.

Wounded masculine energy—which we can all experience despite gender (I know this personally)—is tied to an unconscious demand of performance.

I experienced this a lot in my life, both from having high demands from my parents, and also from being an immigrant. When your parents leave everything they knew behind and nearly die to bring you to America for a better life, it can place a lot of pressure on you to amount to something so their sacrifice wasn’t for nothing.

Combine that with a father who was a commander and a mother who was a model and actress, and the expectations were set before you even took your first breath.

That may not be your story, but if you’ve made it this far, then chances are you can relate to some degree.

This wound can also be perpetuated by a highly critical or completely negligent parent who always made you feel like you weren’t enough, so you spend your entire life trying to disprove that, while unconsciously self-sabotaging, because what you don’t realize is that by trying to prove them wrong, you’re also accepting that they were right to begin with.

The truth is you’ve spent your life trying to gain the approval of someone who wasn’t able to see you in the first place, and not necessarily because they didn’t want to, but perhaps they couldn’t see you past their own limitations and projections.

I hope the story I share in the above video gives you a clearer perspective on what’s most important in this life.

If you find yourself still shackled to the expectations of society, I hope you begin to notice where you not yet free, so that you can liberate yourself and experience true love and alignment.

Xo