There’s a shadow side to hyper-independence that not many people talk about.
It’s the quiet shame that surfaces when you realize how much you long to depend on someone—and how foreign or unsafe that can feel.
For some of us (including myself), independence became armor. It was how we learned to feel safe, to stay in control, to keep from being disappointed.
But after a while, that armor starts to isolate us. We start mistaking self-protection for strength, and self-reliance for worth.
As I mentioned earlier in the week, I recently went through a plot twist that allowed me to experience a lot of pivotal reflection—some of which was ancestral.
Seemingly, out of nowhere on Friday night, I felt stabbing pain in my side that constricted my breathing. My muscles started to spasm, and I couldn’t take a deep breath without feeling excruciating pain.
Going through that alone scared me.
Given the wisdom I’ve acquired up until this point, I knew that whatever I was experiencing wasn’t just about poor posture or tweaking a muscle. It was deeper than that. Something was trying to get my attention.
When I began to apply all the tools I had—intuitive insight, Reiki, somatic therapy—the storylines correlating to that pain began to unravel.
War, pain, betrayal, heartache, loneliness, sadness, neglect, fear, grief…some of which wasn’t even mine, all began to come up to the surface.
I’ve been very open about my journey, and my hyper-independence is no secret to anyone who has witnessed even a chapter of my story…
But through this experience, I noticed that armor of mine cracking—and I realized that maybe, the real strength is in allowing myself to need, to trust, to let someone in.
Watch below:
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